I was driving along the other day. Happily minding my own business when my eldest pipes up with “mum, do you know what the most power-fullest swear word is?”
As a mother it’s your job to be the fountain of all knowledge. Or at least let them think that’s what you are. With this in mind obviously my parent reply was “yes, why? What do you think the most powerful swear word is?”………. that was my first mistake, right there. I should have just said yes and moved on with another topic. Total. Rookie. Mistake.
Darrell, my youngest boy, chips in with “it starts with C, shall I just say it?”
“No, don’t just say it” was my hasty reply.
Dylan, the eldest, is in the back of the car. He’s disappointed it’s not his turn to be in the front. Unfortunately this doesn’t stop him from throwing himself, full throttle, into attempting to spell the dreaded word. Like cryptonite to superman I feel the colour drain from my face as he spells the word most parents dread, or his version of it.
“I think its spelt C-O-O-N-T, yea I think that’s right. Is that how you’d spell it Darrell?” and to my horror a swear word spell-athon ensues. Darrell politely corrects his brother that actually he thinks it’s spelt C-U-N-T, because, and I quote “it’s an UNT sound”. Good old English,primary school, teaching coming into it’s own. The dreaded word had a thorough “sounding it out” moment.
Dylan firmly agreed, with this estimation of spelling, at which point my wits had returned and I managed to explain to them that THAT word was so powerful even mummy called it the C word and that if I even thought they were thinking THAT word let alone saying it they’d loose every toy they own.
This conversation was swiftly followed by “A woman’s private is called a Virginia isn’t it mum?”…………………………………………………….. lord help me is 10am too early for wine? It’s fruit juice right?